At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
