she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
