Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
