he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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