my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
