i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My ATM looks so different sober.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
