3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
