ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
