My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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