toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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