went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I got inside last night via doggy door
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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