Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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