There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
