I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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