i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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