My sheets look like a crime scene.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
