i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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