You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize