Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
