Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
