just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
