We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize