I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The adults are the big ones right?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
