I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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