when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
