See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
we're so committed to being not committed
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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