i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
