Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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