My Higher Power is John Stamos
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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