tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
