why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
