OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize