There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
