Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
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