I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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