I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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