Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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