They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
