I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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