Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
