Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
