You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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