Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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