pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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