Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
