i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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