SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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