I think I am morally bankrupt
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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