Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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