I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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