Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I party with great urgency now.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
