girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
