i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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