That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
