he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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