How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
