im gay
i know
yea but for you.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize