Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
