just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize