mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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