her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
