I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
A bitchslap is in order.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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