Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize