Only a mothe r could love this liver
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize