she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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