i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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