We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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